the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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