do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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