So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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