Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
