erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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