i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
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Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
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This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
where are my eyebrows?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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