I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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