What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I just googled if crying burns calories
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
