did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
