His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
