Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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