Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
