So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
