i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
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She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
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Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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