i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
