my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
