she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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