Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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