I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
