you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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