The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
