i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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