seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
