I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
