She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
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I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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