I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your penis caused this!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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