We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Randomize
