She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
