Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
