oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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