i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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