the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
