A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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