is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The uberlube is also flammable
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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