It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
