Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
