i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize