Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
