Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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