The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
