I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
