3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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