Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize