I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
ttyl tear gas
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
