Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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