I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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