Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
