it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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