Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
