remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
She has the best kind of daddy issues
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