You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
