I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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