Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
