I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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