Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
