rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i will never coherently bang her
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
