I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
whose parrot is this?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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