i just wanna soil my oats bro
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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