Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
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I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
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The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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