I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
sex in a hospital.. check
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
