wat bout pragnant strippers??
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
