Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
