he thought i was a dude.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
