you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
