Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
