best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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