My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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