I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
