Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
