you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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