Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
