I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
