Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
