Will you blow on my dice?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
