Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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