Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
